Heather feels like shit today. I miss my fucking glasses.

February 26, 2002
9:36 PM  ()

If only I could say one thing to make everything disgusting and painful disappear. People fucking suck, yo.

February 25, 2002
9:33 PM  ()

CHRISSY RULES. (Just had to share that with you motherfuckers.)

Haha, this picture's great. We decided to dye our hair tonight, fuck... I have homework. This isn't right. K, I'm not used to this having to wake up and go to school thing in the morning anymore. It's just not right. The teachers need to go back on strike or something, I need another week of sleeping in and staying up until all hours of the morning and getting away with it (without having to pay for it by waking up for frickin' school in the morning). Anyways, picture. Go team Heather.

Those of you whom it's too dark for, you're screwed then, aren't ya?

February 24, 2002
1:57 PM  ()

I believe Cliff wanted to feel special too.

12:16 AM  ()

Hangin' out at the 'B' house. Saw Monster Trucks tonight, was scared away by dirty 27 yr old men hitting on me and telling me my pants wouldn't stay on long if we stayed with them... gross. Anyhow, I enjoyed myself. I quite liked the noise, and the other thing. I believe I have to be home at noon tomorrow, this won't happen. Why? It just won't. Mom will be angry, her and I will fight, etc. I promised Heather I'd help her clean up her house before her parents got home, so I'm going to do this. And if it means not going home at noon, then so be it. What a sad update, I apologize.

February 23, 2002
1:19 AM  ()

well then, wasn't that interesting...

February 21, 2002
10:24 PM  ()

Kirby's fansign.


Funny pin that amuses the hell out of me.

11:11 AM  ()

my leg is itchy as hell.
1. couldn't sleep all night, had a shower at 4:30, made breakfast for myself at 5:00, fell asleep on my bed (finally) at 6:00 and was woken up at 11:00, just in time for my days plans. goin' into calgary, yo. my mind was working like crazy last night, though. it was actually kind of painful, it gave me a headache.
2. leavin' in 45 minutes. i'm excited. why? i have no idea. just because i get to leave town i guess, airdrie's a big slap in the face. why do i keep saying that, "kick in the face" or "slap in the face"? interesting. i say those too much and "god damnit, you ruined 'the wow'." wanna know what the wow is? it's my contentness with everything around me which goes nonstop for a couple minutes, and if anyone ruins it, i point it out. yup, i'm a big loser.
3. oh, i must mention felix. we're going for tea at humpty's one day, you see. and a walk in the park. excellent.
4. march 9th, heather, don't forget that date. or may 2nd (court thing).
5. it's matt dick's birthday today (ex-boyfriend from when we were 12-13) and I think i'm going to call him to creep him out. this will be fun.

February 20, 2002
9:56 PM  ()

12:42 PM  ()

Here's some news:
one. Heather has to go to court. Yep, for something that occured almost a year ago in grade 10. This would be (for those of you who know about it) when I was threatened to be killed and then sought after during class time the day after Roger's death. Apparently this guy did something to the principal, which is why we're going to court, or at least this was the reasoning from the RCMP officer last night on the phone. I don't even know what this kid did to the principal, so why am I being putting on the stand? I don't know how to spell this, but there's a "sepina" waiting for me at the station. I have to go pick that up some time today, Mike was called yesterday too, I'm not sure about Katie and Adam. Ick, I don't want to call Adam to find out.
two. I experienced the worst feeling in the world yesterday morning, and it's making your best friend cry. Yup, I'm a big asshole.
three. Teachers are still on strike, in my opinion there's some students making a bigger deal out of it than it actually is, but whatever... maybe it is that big and I'm just too hateful towards school in the first place to notice it. I kind of want the teachers to be forced back to work, because if it goes MY WAY, the teachers won't work as hard as they normally would, it would be a half ass job, and I'd either a) get great marks for doing so pathetically, or b) if things don't go my way, I'll fail. Hell, that doesn't sound like too much fun anymore. Shut up.
four. Brandon got his licence. I'm going to stalk him.

February 18, 2002
9:23 PM  ()

not an update, but go here: http://www.luccaco.com/terra/terra.htm. fankya.

February 17, 2002
9:30 PM  ()

I am miserable.

Anyways, "why should we leave america to visit america junior?".
Had this weird ass 'giggle fit' (as it was called) on the phone with Cliff today, I needed to laugh, so I did. Chrissy's over right now, she's spending the night. I'm really not "comfortable" right now, I'd give anything to be COMFORTABLE. Tomorrow's frickin' FAMILY DAY (yes, this Albertan holiday that everyone has off). We never celebrate it or do anything for it. We're a happy non-talkative family unless we're making fun of each other or saving each other from horrible situations.

I'm not coming on the computer for a week. You will be heatherless for a week. I'm sick of everything, for some reason. Currently, I am being annoyed. I am playing psychiatrist and doing a horrible job. I should write more. What the hell can I write about? I watched "Phantoms" today, you know... that's a horrible movie. Extremely bad. I want to be alone, sovery bad. I don't mind Chrissy being here though, she's honestly the only person I want to see and can stand with no problem whatsoever. Wow, I'm a huge asshole. I'm a really mean person, I'm realizing this by what I'm replying to this person I'm talking to with. I feel kind of bad, well, I do feel bad, but there's not much I can do, so I'm only being honest. I want to run away, I should steal a shitty car and just leave. I feel like I've dropped out of school, this lack of going to school lately is getting weird. Uh, Malcom in the Middle is on, this is more important to me right now. I might update, because I'll probably give in for about an hour during the week. But, goodnight. Farewell. Fffuck off.

February 15, 2002
6:06 PM  ()

You want a funny story? Here's a funny story. I was walking to the "mall" with Heather, way too lazy to walk. We were complaining, and see this old lady kind of slowly putts up to us in her electronic chair thingy and says "Would you girls mind..." (see, here's the point where we're ready to give her the time) "...pushing me back to the Bethany Care Centre?" WHAT. WHAAAAAAAT. That's the other WAY lady, and I'm not even finished my cigarette! So, without complaining of course (just ready to laugh our asses off, because things like this don't happen to you every day) I started pushing her back to the Bethany Care Centre. A whole three blocks the other way. OKAY. I'VE DONE MORE THAN MY SHARE OF GOOD DEEDS THIS YEAR! IF THERE IS A GOD, STOP FUCKING MOCKING ME!!! Sigh. I'm so nice. Old people love me, but I am so very scared of them. It didn't look right either, you know two girls dressed in all black pushing this nice happy little old lady down the street, it looked like we were stealing her or something.

12:53 PM  ()

I'm so slow right now, so lazy so everything. I just walked home, and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to sit in the middle of the sidewalk and stay there until I finally regained at least a little bit of energy. Might go to a show tonight, I have no idea who's playing. It's so hot outside, this isn't normal. It's so hot in my house, this isn't normal. I still look like shit. I have to shower, I want to shower, and I will shower, but I feel like I'm going to fall over and ... oh man, I am so unenergetic right now. This is normal, but not to this extent. Holy hell.

February 14, 2002
1:07 PM  ()

still at chrissy's house.
- The dishwasher is running upstairs, and it sounds like the house has an actual heart beat. Kind of like those haunted house "horror" movies. Although, it is somewhat of a creepy sound... it makes me feel like there's going to be an army of demons running into Chrissy's room to capture me and take me away to some dark far off place where I will never be found.
- I don't really want to go to Calgary right now, I look like shit. I should call whatsherface. I'll do that right now. And then I'll brush my teeth again just for the hell of doing so. Excellent. I've got it all planned out.

February 13, 2002
5:18 PM  ()

Just finished watching "The Fifth Element", see, I love that movie for some reason. I haven't seen it in years, but damn. Good movie. I feel like watching "Stargate" now, so maybe I'll rent that tonight. Ah, I remember when I was a big space nerd, I was so awesome. I was all into the X Files (had a huge crush on Mulder, I can't fucking spell his name so back off), etc. Damn, I was so hip. "Aliens" was/is also a humungofavorite. I'm at Chrissy's right now, I'm comfortable. It's cold outside though, and seeing as I decided not to put shoes on for the 5 minutes of being out on the front porch, my feet are damn cold.
- I'm so mellow right now, I could sleep forever. Actually, I think I'm becoming a bit depressed, but I'm okay with this. I'm also tremendously annoyed by my ex-boyfriend, this will pass. He's too easy to forget about.

February 12, 2002
5:05 PM  ()

So, it all started in a restaurant. I couldn't get comfortable in my damn seat, and then I wasn't comfortable at all. Just being there made me aggitated and I wanted to lay down, and just lay down in the middle of the restaurant forever, staring at the fan trying to catch one of the blades with my eye in order to follow it around and around and around. I asked for a pen, started writing a bunch of crazy nothings on a napkin, then as we were finally in a rush for leaving I handed the pen back to the waitress and thanked her for "contributing to my poetic ramblings". She laughed at this. My mind began to think so much while we were walking home and I just kept mouthing everything to Chrissy just because she was there and I needed to just blab everything to her... I did this so much that it almost came to the point that I was thinking way too much and Chrissy was thinking way too much I almost hit the point of insanity and our minds almost exploded. Once we got in the door we ran down the stairs to my bedroom, I flew onto my bed and Chrissy just layed in the middle of the floor. We calmed down after about 5 minutes, and thought "holy fuck". My mind is still wandering around all crazy like, I've come up with some pretty interesting things. We started talking about funny embarassing things we did when we were kids which turned into this whole conversation on suicide, feminism and politics and how much we hate the shit, how I can't stand the thought of having one bruise on my body, and how truly interesting life is and people actually are in that sick pathetic way I always tend to end up talking about at some point during the week.

Today's been interesting. I'm happy with it. Even though we did absolutely nothing. I'm glad I have Chrissy, I feel extremely lucky that someone is capable of listening to and attempting to comprehend my existance and my being able to do so for her as well. Heh, she finally realized why I can't stand people cracking their knuckles, it scares the shit out of me and the body (in my eyes) is just too fragile. I'm such a wuss.

12:08 PM  ()

ahem. ex-boyfriends are annoying.

February 10, 2002
11:29 PM  ()

- listenin' to le tigre because i'm in the mood for some feministic music, 'mediocrity rules, man'. rock.
- wandered over to kirby's, hit some strings on the instruments.
other than that, tonight wasn't very eventful, we went to meet up with some friends to go to some restaurant in the mall (originally it was supposed to be boston pizza, but i despise that place) but it was closed. we all went our seperate ways, chrissy and i ended up at mcdonalds. as usual. we always say we're never eating there again after the fact, and then we go back. the place is revolting. airdrie needs to be shot.
- i feel special.

February 09, 2002
1:15 PM  ()

currently listening to: 'skates' & 'in september', hayden. (cliff, i must say, these are great, the others are downloading)
Message for Kirby:
- Jam! I want to! But I can't today, what's happening tomorrow? Anything? Church? More Football? Agh, I feel bad. Hopefully we can do it tomorrow. Reply to this on ze Messageboard. You can beat me up, if you want.

i keep having dreams that are related to leaving or going on vacation, it's starting to get aggrivating actually. i wake up thinking for a split second that i'm a_ somewhere else or b_ supposed to be getting ready to leave. it's quite the slap in the face when i finally realize the reality of it all, 'oh, it was a dream'. talking to cliff last night, something he told me to think about, so i did: when it comes to relationships, I can't tell someone I love them without knowing I don't mean it, so I just don't say it for the most part. I'm afraid of something, it's kind of like that whole "I can't look straight into a persons eyes without getting creeped out when I'm talking to them" thing. I can't figure it out. just can't figure it out. I wonder what it would feel like being awake in the middle of the night and knowing that everyone else was sleeping... everyone in your town, or hell, the world. I just wonder what kind of feeling it would give you the first time you realized it. I'd probably get cold.

2:12 AM  ()

alright, so i'm screwing around with the layout a lot. i'm not sorry. tomorrow night will hopefully be fun, that is if things don't fuck up as usual and i don't get angry with something or someone. sigh. my knee hurts, i think i should probably find out what's wrong with it. it's my own fault, any way i sit, my knee is in some sort of wrong position. not healthy for it, i'm assuming. it's all messed up now. had another cool conversation with the clifford tonight, very cool. well, off to working on this some more. geez, i need to make up my mind.

February 07, 2002
4:54 PM  ()

i'm apparently on the mend. cough. but anyhow, I waited over an hour in the doctors office, I'm going to finish 'on the road' tonight. I might con my mother into taking me to chapters tomorrow (even though I'm not supposed to leave the house, but i'll techincally be "inside" for the most part, you know... the car... the building... the car... home, in order to pick up a kafka book... a new book. any new book. preferrably kafka. anyways, i'm going to vanish for a few days because i feel like it. heal. get better. accept no phone calls. isolate myself willingly and eat junk food along with watching movies on the tv. lyle called today. which is depressing because i could get my licence tomorrow if i wasn't SO GOD DAMN SICK. fuck you lyle. fuck you and your damn times and your stupidity and my hating you and your everything stupid and i want you to go away. that's right. oh yeah, and it's 6 days until aaron champion's birthday everyone, start the countdown on your calanders, come on, get ready. throw him a part-ay. i'm out. goodbye. see you in a few days.

February 06, 2002
9:26 PM  ()

- so, when I was in the shower today, I almost passed out. I had trouble breathing, and I was all messed up, etc. I first thought it was because I was doing too much, but then thought about it and came to the conclusion that I wasn't doing much at all, normally what I would have done if I hadn't been sick anyways. Anyhow, so I'm reading the 'side effects' paper that came with the antibiotic that they put me on, and in the unlikely event that I suffer an allergic reaction to this antibiotic, I am to seek medical attention immediately... one of the allergic reactions include dizziness and trouble breathing. well, here's what i think, shit. i'll call the doctor in the morning.

4:36 PM  ()

I finally decided to get dressed.
listening to: 'climbing up the walls', radiohead.

1:57 AM  ()

1. i can't sleep. i woke up to this lack of water or any drinkable substance by my bedside and had to wander upstairs for something to sooth my throat. i had about 20 minutes of sleep, maybe less. angry is i.
2. i can't say what i want to say right now on here, so i'm going to write it in a written journal. my eyes are hurting anyways, the screen is pretty damn bright.
3. i wonder what things would be like with no emotion? no dependancy. no remote attachments. wow. off to my bedroom to think about stupid possibilities now. excellent. oh yeah, and i keep changing the color scheme of my website, i'm sorry. i'm just not satisfied yet, i feel satisfied now, but this may change.

February 05, 2002
11:01 PM  ()

I'm getting better!
That's right. But not too much better, things have just calmed down a little bit, I'm wanting to eat regular food (other than just soup) even though it makes me want to throw up after I've eaten it. Thing is, I'm getting better. So take that, cold!
- I have a new fan. That's right. A new fan.
- There's so much more I want to do and say right now but I honestly don't have the strength to force my mind to keep working on this. I'm exhausted, and I just sneezed. ow.

11:54 AM  ()

- so, I've got this infection in my lung. I'm on medication, I can't even remember the name of it. It's an antibiotic, I know that. wow. Aren't I special.
- I - am - so - bored - .
- Uh.

February 04, 2002
3:13 AM  ()

- I'd rather be dead than have to go back in my room and attempt to sleep again with this cough. I feel like I need to vomit, but I don't want to because I can't stand the sound, it just makes me want to throw up even more. And the pain I have to go through when I reflex is just unbearable when I'm sober, it makes me cry so much. It's probably the *only* way to feel better, but I won't do it. I refuse to until I absolutely have to. It's just too painful. And I don't want to keep Chrissy awake all night, I'm not allowed to sleep in here, maybe I'll go in the spare bedroom and write a story. I hate everything right now.

February 03, 2002
2:22 PM  ()

1. I just woke up. This rules. Ah, but I woke up about 98327492374 times in between. I choked in my sleep for the first time, that scared the hell out of me. So I propped myself up on my pillows against the wall, sitting up, so I wouldn't flippin' die. Jeez.
2. I'm staying in bed all day today, because I can. Excellent, and seeing as the Teachers are going on strike tomorrow morning, Chrissy and I (I believe) are going into Calgary with my Mom when she goes to work, then taking off to Value Village and then seeking out the C-Train to head downtown. Yes!
3. Last night I enjoyed. Didn't do much, but I enjoyed it. Went for Pizza with Brandon, Dave, and the guy who took care of me when I was drunk (I can't remember his name, which makes me feel bad, but he's always wearing that orange shirt, so he is now 'the guy in the orange shirt'). Like I said before, The Attack played, and I enjoyed them. I wasn't there for the last band. Apparently Rob was supposed to show up, but he didn't, so that sucked. I never see him anymore. He's gone all anti-social, he became so well known for being at shows, and now he's so well known for his disappearance. Everyone knows him. Heh, I remember meeting him, over the internet... and then finally meeting him in person. Katie was with me, it was awesome. He wore cat ears, rock. He has to be one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I miss him, a lot. We never talk on the phone though. Ever. I hate the phone, and he's too quiet. The only people I talk to on the phone are Chrissy (but she usually just comes over, or I go there, short lived conversations but fun), Scott, and we have a new one: Cliff. When my Dad was dropping us off for the show last night, a hooker came and peered around the corner thinking my Dad was some sort of customer, then saw all us kids getting out of the car. I didn't see HER, and neither did my Dad, we just saw these two humungo-breasts glance around the corner. She was barely wearing anything to cover them, and I didn't know wether to feel sorry for her because she was slightly 'bigger' than most and it was just too gross, or to be totally disgusted, so I did both. She was picked up later on though, or she just disappeared. A while ago I remember seeing an incredibly pretty oriental girl about my age or a bit older getting all ready on her corner to be picked up by some sick bastard. Selling herself. I wanted to kidnap her and never let her go. She was just too pretty and innocent looking, I didn't want to let her do it. But instead, like most people, I did nothing but gaze out the car window and just *think* about what I would have done or would have liked to do. sigh. I don't know. Whatever floats their boats.
4. Yeah, bye.

February 02, 2002
11:01 PM  ()

- heatherlaird.com is now in action. rowr.
- the attack played at the multi tonight, i bought their tape for three dollars. they're from vancouver. and i quite enjoy them.

February 01, 2002
7:37 PM  ()

- still waiting for brother to set up the ftp crap, one more step and it's all set. agh. being sick sucks.