March 30, 2002
12:37 PM  ()

sigh, i'm not going to see kyle's band play tonight. that sucks some major ass. i really wanted to see them again. oh well. NO! not oh well! i wanted to go damn it. i have to give him his wristband back at 3:45 when we meet them at mcdonalds here in airdrie. so, i'll see them for like... 5 minutes. unless i stay while they eat... but watching people eat is gross. heh. HEATHER'S UP! YAY! okay.

1:19 AM  ()

okay, although i'm a little bit drunk at the moment, i will tell you my story. tonight was amusing, quite entertaining indeed, i paid more attention to the buzzing bees and darryl's grocery bag tonight. i danced with heather k, it was pretty awesome. she's damn cool, i really want to talk to her more. so, i shall. it's all happenin'. i'm at heather b's house right now, spending the night, you know, because her parents love me. i'm rather confused about some parts tonight, but as i usually say, it's all interesting, so it was all fun. damn, i was glad dgb played "scenic drive", i love that damn song. 'tis my favourite, indeed. welcome, dennis, mr. webmaster of darrylsgrocerybag.com to my website. just kind of noticed the reply you left on aaron's msg. excellent. i feel sort of special.

jamie's awesome. i had a wicked talk with him tonight. he's damn tall. anyhow, we talked about life, and how strange it is. you know, it's all so amazing. i'm amazed right now and totally thrown back by the events tonight. it was all great, it was all weird. i like weird. i don't think kyle showed up. i'm going to the lost cause show tomorrow, hopefully, if kyle can pick me up. i need to find money again, i spent it all tonight. hopefully mom will be generous tomorrow. this is the thing about not having a job, you always have to suck up to mommy or daddy and it just sucks some major butt. aw, heather b's twitterpated. it's cute.

and i'm confused.

March 29, 2002
12:42 AM  ()

"i am colorblind. coffee black, and egg white. pull me out from inside. i am ready, i am ready, i am ready, i am. taffy stuck, tongue tied. stutter, shooken up tight. pull me out from inside. i am ready, i am ready, i am ready, i am fine. i am covered in skin. no one gets to come in. pull me out from inside. i am folded and unfolded and unfolding, i am colorblind. coffee black, and egg white. pull me out from inside. i am ready, i am ready, i am ready, i am fine. i am fine. i am fine."

forty minutes ago i got off the phone with a very special friend. cliff, i thank you. he has definitely made me realise a couple of things, more than a couple, and has helped me with these things for a while now. i am surprised but yet i'm not, it's like i've been expecting someone to tell me these things. my god, i really do need to do what he says, i need to open up. but i am sovery scared, i hate expressing myself to such extremes, it was difficult for me to speak tonight, although i feel i did fairly well. i'm glad we talked.

March 28, 2002
5:43 PM  ()

i have nothing interesting to say anymore. i feel so empty. this bothers me. when i try to write a poem, it ends up being about only one person that's starting to bore me. this also bothers me. i feel like i've stopped thinking, although i'm thinking all the time. i'm losing something. i've lost something. it makes me want to vomit. i don't know what to do or say anymore, i'm feeling pretty lost right now. this is lame. i don't know what to do about that, or this, or them, or anything. i've chosen to ignore it all, but it's making me feel so bland. so plain. so nothing. what am i? lonely? bored? feeling sorry for myself? all three? yes. probably. so, i'll just stop bitching and ignore it some more.

everything's annoying me right now.

3:15 PM  ()

bored. i'm extremely bored. here's what my day consisted of:
- talking to kyle bogle pretty much all morning
- walking to the other side
and - sitting. a lot.

grr. i'm so tired. and i have to do a bunch of cleaning. i kind of want the car tonight. i'm supposed to get heather, but.. fuck. i'm at home. i should page her right now. i will do that.

March 27, 2002
7:34 PM  ()

soooo, i fixed this up a bit. i like it. i don't care if you don't. mwaha. anyhow, i haven't changed anything on simplewritings yet, i'll have to do that because it looks horrible. today was absolutely depressing, i slept all day. i skipped first class, went to the infermary the second (was woken up by the god damn fire alarm, i hate fire drills, but then i went back) and slept through third period, lunch, and fourth period. i only went to drama today, the only class i went to... interesting, depressing... but i got myself a bunch of sleep, except when that girl beside me kept snoring, so i read my vonnegut book instead. wow, that was annoying.
- just got back from eating out with parents, that was interesting. i hate saying things now though, because no one's interested, and then no one says anything. i remembered tonight why i don't go out with them anymore, i hate listening to them talk about work, and i hate sitting in silence with them and a) watching them eat and b) hearing them eat. i can't stand hearing people eat. it's gross. i didn't eat.
- two more smokes left, and then i'm finished, yo.

12:14 AM  ()

so i'm starting to get a little sick of the look of my webpage, i might redesign it again soon. it's almost thursday. i don't have anything to say. i'm quitting smoking, though.

March 26, 2002
7:29 AM  ()

March 24, 2002
10:58 PM  ()

last night.
first off, the negative part. yes. i had a great night, but this was the only shitty part. jon humiliated me and made me realise he's only ever really treated me like shit lately, so i want to give up, but i can't... because as of tonight i've found out i can't, and i don't really want to. there's something so wrong with him, though. i just wish... damn. i don't know what i wish for him anymore, all i know is i can't cry for him anymore. my eyes are dry.
- mike and i are friends again, which is fairly interesting.
- jamie gave me his phone number for whatever reason, he apparently doesn't like me, but yet... i dunno, he's a strange one. i probably won't call him though, well, i might, but not soon.
- red hot lovers were pretty damn nifty. i remember them playing.
- last night was insane. saw rob, didn't expect that. jordan kissed me, haha, that kid rules. he's so cute. i love him. aw, and heather b's twitterpated. it's so damn cute.

today.
- went to sunridge earlier with heather, ran into morgan and james.
- shh.
- next weekend's going to kick ass too. this one ruled.

March 23, 2002
9:43 AM  ()

Last night was pretty cool aside from most of the bands sucking except two. Lost Cause and Caretakers Revenge. Remind me never to go to that community centre again, though. I stole Kyle's wristband something like halfway through it, kind of remembered I had it on after I hugged him and he sped off in his truck. It's his damn fault for forgetting to. Hah, I'll get it back to him though, I'll probably see him this weekend at the Darryl's Grocery Bag show, and his. Hm. Interesting. I'm stealing his hair.
- Tonight's going to be interesting. I believe Jon is taking care of the beer stand thingy at the show, he's probably going to get himself drunk and he'll fall over in a corner somewhere, free beer for all. Hah. Chris asked me to help out with concession, but I will at the next show. I can't this show. I have plans, you see. Very special plans.
- Woke up, no one was home except my dog, he was crying... kind of sitting right next to my face. So that would mean my Mom just left, the garage light was still on when I went out there to check. And damn, I love these pants, and my feet are cold. I don't have too much to write about right now.

March 22, 2002
8:15 AM  ()

My obsession with Orange Juice is now over, it's disgusting. Mind you, I'm not supposed to drink it in the morning, all fruits make me sick when I consume them in the morning. Ick. I feel so gross.

12:37 AM  ()

March 21, 2002
11:20 AM  ()

I'll just copy what I posted on Biophaedia.
- okay, weird incident that just happened. derek decided he'd get up from his chair on the other side of the library, walk all the way over to me, lean over my shoulder and whisper in my ear "i love you, heather". i replied with my usual "i know" and raised my eyebrow. he patted my shoulder, walked back to his chair, sat down, smiled, and shrugged. wow, that derek sure is a mad man. uh. my eyebrow's still raised.

I'm at school. Last night was strange. Heh, but more interesting than most nights. So, I'm leaving now.

March 18, 2002
10:46 PM  ()

well, besides my adventure to the b-house, my day was utterly depressing. trying to convince someone that their life is worth living is a hard task, but a true fact, always. i could not bare to lose another friend to suicide, i won't let that happen. trying to block someone out of your mind is also a hard task, and quite impossible to do the more you try. another friend of mine started to cry because she misses me, which was quite touching, but damn, i just feel so horrible. katie and mike broke up (that's not depressing, but... heh, i figured it was about time, things were crazy between those two). i need to find something that cheers me up, i've kind of found something, but i don't know if anything's going to go any farther, etc. meh, oh well, it's working for now, i'm capable of smiling still. woo!
- kurt vonnegut owns me.
- i slept through all last period in the infermary, i rule.
- i still haven't memorized my drama lines for those damn plays. fuck.

March 17, 2002
8:47 PM  ()

so, tonight, i was jealous of a fat chick. i feel pathetic. oh well.

3:07 PM  ()

_growl.
1 - i am officially disturbed, shh.
1.5 - i'm feeling awful.
2 - i need three dollars, jon, can i borrow three dollars?

...vanish.

March 16, 2002
1:30 PM  ()

March 15, 2002
11:15 PM  ()

listenin' to: the gamits. (a band that played here tonight, i thought they were pretty damn enjoyable, them and the missing 23rd, both from the states.)
- just got in, dropped jon off earlier and then heather, picked up my merchandise. that's right. poor jon, he's so sick, heh, he looked so bored tonight. i felt bad, ah well. he's a survivor.

today's been a pretty good day overall, school was good, i haven't skipped in the last two days (rock!) and stuff. i had a good time tonight, i quite enjoyed myself. chrissy and i danced like maniacs, she beat me up. hah, got me in the nose and the knee, so now i'm all bruised on my legs again. kyle knapp didn't show up, it's good though, the roads were fucking crazy. i would have been worried and what not. hm. so, cliff had his show tonight, i wonder how that went. i should call him tomorrow before anyone heads over, but i'm doubting he'll be home. cliff, will you be home? hm. sometime before 6:00 (your time) because i've got people coming over then, and i'll be a hella busy girl. craig and ash are coming over! and probably kyle bogle. bogle's my brother, we both have red hair. rock. i haven't done anything with craig and ash for the longest time. (ash is a guy, just so it's known... jon didn't.)
- wow, i really like these guys, they're cute. (the gamits) the bass player was awesome, i love it when they go all nerdy and start rockin' out all wicked like. i love it i love it i love it. they kind of remind me of bracket.
- i had a good time with chrissy, she rocks. i had a good time with heather, she rocks. i had a good time, i rock. yeah. that's right. busting out my egotistical tendencies, girls. dig it.
- rowr. feeling better. hopefully things don't change too drastically.

i need to re-dye my hair.

March 14, 2002
5:49 PM  ()

FIRST FIRST FIRST!!
Note to self: Cry later or laugh more, Laugh hysterically NOW! PAHAHA...
i just wanna let you know .. how happy i am with you AND heather out of my life .. i no longer have to deal with your shit. i wish chrissy knew what she was getting herself into. really i do. have nice lives... the both of you ..HAH what am i saying i hope you have miserable lives! go to hell. - this would be from the lovely amanda.

Today was uninteresting until afterschool, but I shall tell you all the uninteresting details first.
1. Well, first off, yesterday I read a harsh note directed towards me and a friend, it was pretty lame. I'm starting to be quite amused by it all seeing as she's the only one still bitching, I figure it's just because I won't drive her to the show this weekend, so she can't use me. Yeah, I'm a big asshole. Or something. I don't really care anymore.
2. I was scared of my Science teacher, but he took my skipping his class yesterday (which I totally forgot I had a test in) pretty well, actually, extremely well. Teachers never intimidate me, but this guy does. It's weird. I'm not skipping his class ever again, I felt so damn guilty. I found all my old English books from last year, so I returned those, but I have to return some Math text book now in order to get my Science text. Fuck, I don't know where it is. Operation Makeout RULES.
3. Something that really bothers me: when people tell me nothing's wrong when it's blatently obvious there's something wrong, and when they do that, I know it's about me. I fucking can't stand it, I hate it when people can't be honest with me. And not directly referring to one person, everyone does this: "I'm tired". I hate that excuse. Anyhow, honesty, I like honesty, even if it involves yelling or pulling a god damn knife on me or something. I really don't want friends anymore, well, I do, but god damnit, I'm sick of this shit... I wrote something about that earlier, it's in my binder at school though, so maybe I'll post that tomorrow.
4. Heh, I'm listening to Lost Cause's "Punk Rock Star", this song's cute. Singer has a cute voice. I really want to go see them, hopefully I can find that damn community centre, or whatever the fuck it is. I think I scared Joclyn on the stairs today (at school).
5. THE SNOW! OH my GOD! *catches breath* Heather and I were with Jenell in her car waiting for Daryl and I looked out the back window to see where he was and this big gust of wind blows all this snow over the houses, turned out it wasn't just a gust of wind, it's a damn snow storm. She drove Heather and I back to Heather's house and we couldn't see ANYTHING more than an inch in front of us after we hit the train tracks, it was scary after the fourway because you didn't know what fucking side of the road you were on, you couldn't see the lights of another car unless you were so close to it. It was messed right up! All I can say is, I'm glad I wasn't the one driving. It's not so bad now, but look at the snowwww... grr.

March 13, 2002
7:26 PM  ()

Scott Brodie be cool.
Scott Brodie be my pal.
Aw, I love you, Scott.

March 12, 2002
5:59 PM  ()

Lacking decent clothes at the moment, I've got a towel around my head and a huge ass bath robe draped around me and my pants. I look like an old lady. Rock on. There's an empty glass of milk sitting beside me, therefore it's really not milk anymore is it, shut up. Yes it is, there's remnants still in the bottom of the glass, so that's enough out of you. sigh. Waiting for Heather to get home, it's her brothers birthday, I'll probably go see her for 15 minutes or so when she gets back, I'd stay there, but she's sick and stuff. And her parents will kick my ass. The snow was fackin' big today, the flakes were mega huge. (My feet are freezing...) I don't really have much to say.
Went to the Public Library today, picked up Lord Of The Flies so I can fucking read it without getting bitched at by the teacher (the book is horrible, it's fucking stupid, I hate it) and two Vonnegut books, I can't remember which two, I know one's Slapstick, the other one... I don't know, I'll tell you about it once I've started or I'm finished reading it. Mmm. Vonnegut. Anyhow, Ryan's summoning me, I must leave.
Oh OH! Got Cliff's letter yesterday, and Dani's today. Rock on.

March 11, 2002
4:06 PM  ()

listenin' to: operation makeout.
- i love them.
so, i gots a pretty detailed note today, i expected it though, didn't i? yes, i did. in about .. well, soon, i'm heading around the corner because i'm lacking a certain something. indeed. i could not go around the corner and be five dollars richer, but fuck you.
- you crept up on me so quietly, yet when you left you slammed the door.
- heh, kyle's all obsessed with the black halos now, i am so damn proud of myself. i'm so great.
- didn't attend science class at all today, this is bad. fuck. and my english teacher's starting to hate me except for the fact that i kick ass at everything else other than being able to get my hands on a book. i spent those two periods (both seperate, i went to drama in between) at tim horton's, either a) reading or b) writing a reply to the note i got today.

i'm going to be a fucking rockstar.

March 10, 2002
7:08 PM  ()

It's just to easy to ignore my emotions, I've spent the last 5 hours trying to make myself happy and I'm starting to go a little loopy. My apologies to Cliff for having to put up with the start of my losing sanity temporarily. I feel like shit, but then again, I feel fine... but god damnit, everything's so bad. Everything's so lame. This is so depressing. Uh, and a Thank you to Heather, just because. Parents are mad. I'm mad. Everyone's mad. Heh, we're fucking lunatics out here, I say. Lunatics! I'm going to go watch Bridget Jones' diary, again. The movie makes me feel so damn good and hateful towards relationships (PAH! I Don't Need Them!) and then the end just hits me like a ton of bricks, kind of like "Thanks guys, you try to uplift me and then throw me back into freekin' reality again, you bastards!".

1:57 PM  ()

oh, they'll never die.

March 09, 2002
3:11 PM  ()

So, I'm developing this major liking for Robin Black's music. Yes. And I'm extremely jealous because Kirby is going to see him on Tuesday. I hate you, Kirby. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

12:07 AM  ()

upset with the scene.
so, kids were burning shit at the multi tonight, i found out from sean's post afterwards that it was a Bible. i'm an atheist, but that is just wrong. i can't think of any other disgusting way to disrespect someone's beliefs, religion, whatever... that is sickening. see, i don't like going to the multi. i despise it, but i go anyhow, why? i don't know. lack of anything better to do, i guess. but when it's not cold, i usually end up outside for the most part... so... god damnit. and i'm going again tomorrow night, what's up with this? if tomorrow night is anything like tonight was, i'm going to be pissed.
- the scene is shit.
- the scene will always be shit.

1. i saw rob tonight, ah, i missed him so much. i didn't expect to see him tonight, it was supposed to be tomorrow, so i'll see him then too. :) excellent.
2. sean gave us a nice display of his ass in person, quite enjoyable.
3. brandon's crazy.
4. kyle needs to be more sociable, he looked so damn sad/pissed off the entire time. not cool. him and his friend stood there in the same spot for the longest time. well, it kind of sucked, i felt sorry for them, but they could have come to talk to us, i guess we weren't good enough, i suppose. haha, ah well. i'll make fun of him later for it.

March 08, 2002
5:48 PM  ()

Aw, look at the cute girls and they're Fruit by the Foot paper bows.

March 07, 2002
6:56 PM  ()

Heather Rawr.

March 06, 2002
11:21 PM  ()

1. It's damn cold outside. That's all I have to say about that. Oh, and my fingers are going to fall off.
2. Kevin rules, I'm talking to him on icq right now, I haven't talked to him in forever. He's sending me a letter. Yay! I miss him so much, I can't wait until he gets back. Excellent.
3. Moving in with Rob would be cool. It would be damn cool.
4. Kind of fought with my Mom about school today, the school didn't call about my skipping the afternoon, which is good. But I decided I'd talk to her and kind of ask for advice, that didn't work. It never does, I just got yelled at and got told I would have no future if I dropped out (which is quite true, but I wouldn't drop out, see, I'm not stupid), but damn. If there was a way of doing this in order to make it interesting, or a way of cheating and skipping all the steps. Wow, I'm lame. I'm naive. It's fun, no it's not.
5. I'm going to murder Kyle because he keeps rubbing the fact that he got to see Ozzy in Edmonton and I didn't. Growl.
6. I wrote something earlier for Phoenix's website, I should probably send that to him. A poem, it's not that excellent, but I wrote what I was feeling at the moment, what I was thinking. I think I'll go find that right now and post it, before I forget. Nothing too long.

March 05, 2002
3:39 PM  ()

So, I went to school and left around 9:30, I fell asleep until noon, wandered around the kitchen for a bit, then fell asleep again until about 3:00, actually, I believe it was 3:00 exactly when I looked at my clock. I'm sick, I've got this nasty cough (again) and my stomach is upset, I feel like I'm going to vomit every 5 minutes or so. Gross. I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat just incase I do gag, ew. I feel so disgusting right now it's not even funny.
Heh, there's this girl in my Drama class, she's in grade 12, and I want to be her pal, yo. She's damn pretty and I always thought she was younger than me, and I love her hair. She seems rad. I'm in her play, but I had to ditch them this morning. Too sick, way too sick.

March 04, 2002
7:07 PM  ()

Dear ______,
I'm writing to you because you asked me to. You want to know what it's like here, away from Earth and your civilization. Well, what can I say? It's lonely, but it's satisfying. Watching you all from the outside gives me a whole new insight on your people: pathetic and greedy. Betraying one another every chance you can get your hands on. Playing follow the fucking leader all day, all week, all year.

I've been gone for a while now, I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch. As soon as I landed there I wanted to leave, I was so disgusted with everything that when I finally let myself grow away and take off from all of it, I didn't want any relation back to it whatsoever. I left and I intend on it staying that way. Maybe you miss me, but I don't miss you. With all the times you and the general population have let me down, I've come to the realisation that I have no need to cry anymore. No one can hurt me here, I am content.

Don't write back.
- Gone.

Dear Gone,
What the fuck are you talking about? You live next door.
- ______

I could be listening, maybe you just don't know it. I could not be listening, maybe you just don't care. You know I don't. Useless knowledge, but knowledge none the less, fills my brain to extreme capacities. I could almost cry about it. I've been invited to your reality banquet, but I don't want to go. That place bores me.

March 03, 2002
2:30 PM  ()

- Going out again soon, I need to get gas... sigh. Amanda should be calling me in about half an hour. I was going to go pick up Chrissy, but she's sleeping. I'd go see Mike, but I think he's with Kyle. Etc. I just got back from running an errand. That's right, I'm the fucking errand girl now. Ah well, at least I got something out of it (with my own damn money, which makes me happy), a nice damn bottle of pop. I'm pleased. It doesn't take much, does it? I'm very, I don't know how to explain it... I'm weird right now. Depressed/Content. It works, it's all happening. Everything's "Groovy", all except for the fact that I have to go to school tomorrow. I can't stand the place, it's more the fact that I'm extremely lazy that makes me hate it, but I also feel as though I'm finished with it, which I'm obviously not. This can't be good. Negativity is bad. I like my Social class though, Ash and I kick ass. We had this mega discussion on wether Man was competitive or Man was good. Neither is the right answer, but I figure Man is competitive. We fight for everything. It was quite an amusing discussion, I kicked ass. I was amazing. I busted out the philosipher (I don't care if I didn't spell that right, so fuck off) Heather, it was great.
- So, I went into Calgary last night, paid seven dollars for a show that was completely useless. We would have stayed for Compromise, but fucking christ, it was in the small room (which is a major bad thing) and there were people I didn't want to be around. It is now the "unspeakable" as Heather would call it, we're not allowed to talk about it. So forget what I just said. But I don't plan on going to too many shows in Calgary anymore, it was a big slap in the face. Waste of fucking money, god damnit. Sigh.
- Steve Jevne signed the messageboard, I suggest everyone go reply to his message and say "YOU ROCK" or something, because he's extremely cool. He used to be my guitar teacher, he was awesome. Heh, I still have his old band's T-shirt (that was thrown at me during some... summer jam thing held here and Airdrie two years ago), "Liquid Silence". Oh, and check out the link he posted in his message too, I haven't heard his new band yet, but I'm sure they kick ass. I saw him in Olds on Friday, it was good to see you Steve, hope everything's kicking ass. And if you are still living in Airdrie, answer me this, WHY. WHY WHY WHY?!?!??! Heh.
- This pink highlighter is amusing me.

March 02, 2002
10:31 PM  ()

I would like you to meet SEAN's ass.

8:53 PM  ()

NEVER GO TO CALGARY FOR SHOWS EVER. Ever.

March 01, 2002
5:11 PM  ()

So, I received my driving licence this morning, I kicked ass. Because I'm fucking amazing. And Jon isn't any fun to brag to because, well, he hates me, so it's understandable. Everyone else is fun to brag to, that's right, I'm a big bragging machine today, well... kind of. I've only talked to three people. Aw man, now I feel pathetic. That sucked. I'm all about pictures today for some reason, because... well, I'm hot. HAH. Brag. brag. brag. Ego. Ego. Heather loves her egomaniac moments in life. I need a life.



Oh yeah! And I got my glasses back. Rowr.
Mom is a terrible person to drive with. Terrible.

8:47 AM  ()

Look, I'm not at school today. Tsk tsk, naughty Heather. Ah well, in 45 minutes Lyle's coming to pick me up, and at 11:00 I take my drivers test. That's right! He finally called me. The shitty thing about it is I don't have my glasses, they're broken, so I have to wear my old ones, and I feel disgusting. I hate these glasses, I wore them all of last year, and that's just too gross. They're so... ick. See, when you wear glasses, you tend to pick them out carefully, and at one point I was in love with these glasses, but now... I am attached to another pair that is being fixed at the moment. There was quite the scare though, they're a discontinued frame and they kept telling me I could never get another pair. I kept asking if they could just fix them, they said they couldn't, it was "impossible" but... it's not. We found a place with a part to replace the broken part with. People are idiots. That was extremely frustrating. Heh, I was so stubborn about it, my Mom was freaking out because I was being so stubborn and mean to the guy at the counter. "You're telling me you can't fix these? It's a part that's broken, you can replace parts." "They're impossible to fix, hun." "No, they're not. I'll get some soder if I have to. I'm not wearing any other pair of glasses, so you better get these fixed." I believe I was PMSing that day as well, so he was in the path of destruction, and he was mean to my Mom that morning - so he deserved it.

Heh, someone from Saudia Arabia or wherever visited my site. Hehe. Only one person though. I find this amusing. Oh yeah, it's March. Hell.