5:20 PM  ()

HAH! www.lairdsflooring.com exists! my parents store. that's hilarious. anyway. i find my parents website being online just damn amusing. anyhow, this picture would be of Katie of Operation Makeout at a show in Calgary. i really wouldn't mind seeing them live. they're awesome. i love. today was extremely stupid. the weather is just deranged, it'll be snowing one second, then raining, then nice and sunny, then hailing, back into snow, etc. it's aggrivating. it keeps changing, it's almost May, it's just supposed to rain, and be nice. make it stop. sigh. why can't i just rest my head in my hands and give up? something, probably my common sense, inside of me won't let me stop. i t would be nice but it means failure. failure's no good for heather, or anyone. i sleep way too much in class now, i just rest my head on my desk and pass out. i need more sleep. wow, i'm seventeen in 5 days, how fucking fantaztik. actually, i'm not that excited at all. i just want my tattoo. soon, i won't have to say i'm sixteen anymore, although sixteen looks a lot cooler written down rather than seventeen. and eighteen just looks like my aunt eileen's name. scary. i don't like that family. yes, and i don't care if any of you family members see that (that is if any of my family members visit here without my knowing), that family already knows i hate them. ah. yes. indeed. i'm going to make a movie one day, cliff can play the main character. he can be the only character. black and white. no love. weird. realistic but interesting. i think i just might try it. it would be neat, don't you think, girls? go wildhearts!

April 29, 2002
7:08 PM  ()

April 28, 2002
5:49 PM  ()

in the mood for some change, girls?

i'm in a somewhat good mood, a bored mood, but things are okay. i kind of want to call someone, i don't know who though. interesting. heather just left about half an hour ago, i have to vacuum, and i think kyle's calling me at 6:00 and coming to get me. i'm listening to end to an end... sigh, why don't they want to play anymore? i want to see them at least one last time together, but i don't think that's happening. damn it. i have to e-mail mitch back, speaking of mitch, i should get together with him soon. heh, i thought i heard the phone ringing, i just made an ass out of myself. that was beautiful.

i met mike from core-upt records yesterday, i should put his link up in the link section. very cool guy, both him and i were having a shitty day so we both came off a little annoyed, i'm sure. ah well, it'll be better next time. went to calgary yesterday, ran into brandon on stephen avenue, heh, ate lunch with him and his brother. ended up on 17th ave, saw jon chapman just before then though near millenium. sigh. yesterday was depressing, but at least we were out. kyle came over again last night, heh, bitched about everything. that was amusing.

i'm out of here.

April 27, 2002
7:55 PM  ()

April 26, 2002
11:58 AM  ()

So, in school at the moment, friday's are always nice. Just read an e-mail from ze good friend Clifford, cheered me up some. I'll e-mail him back after I'm finished writing his letter, that's right Cliff, I'm writing your letter and it will be on it's way soon. I owe a couple peoples letters: Mary, Dani, Cliff, Kevin, and Darla. I believe that is correct. One more class left for today and I'm done for the weekend, although it's snowing... which really angers me. I wanted to go out tonight, be outside. Same with tomorrow, so tomorrow better be nicer than it is now. I'm sick of having bad weather when I have plans, usually it doesn't stop me, but... the plans I have will have to be cancelled. There's no way in hell I'm walking around downtown in the snow.

Hah, someone just got caught in the 'book detector' in the library, yes, we have a huge security system in this small school library. It's pathetic. The town library doesn't even have anything like this, it makes me sad.

April 24, 2002
9:51 PM  ()

Bedard's finally ungrounded. Clap for her now. Was talkin' to Rich just a few minutes ago, hope his arm heals up alright. Was chattin' it up with Danny Casler too (National Product, haven't listened to them in a long long time, or talked to him in a while), sent me a pretty happenin' picture. See, useless information. I love it, I can't get enough of it.

I had a weird dream today while I slept in the infermary at school today this afternoon. Well, in my dream, I was in the infermary... but they were feeding me soup and other food, etc, through tubes... I then found myself strapped to the bed, my hands restrained to the side... I was in some psyche ward, I believe, it was pretty weird. I remember the school nurse trying to wake me up from my dream, and all I could think about was the bowl of soup in my dream that was just above my head. I was half asleep when she was talking to me, I said something strange to her about my dream, because it felt like I was still in it, and I think I kind of scared her.
- Just finished my position paper for Social. Should do English project that was due today, but we all know I won't. Ugh, I'm such a slacker, it's disgusting. I'm pretty cool with this Tibet project I'm doing for social though, as an extra assignment for extra extra marks. Heather Fansher rules (my teacher), I only use her first name because it's the same as mine, damnit. And it rules. There's so many Heather's now. Even when I was in elementary in Calgary, there was three of us. Two big (not to sound too rude, but they were mean to me and I'm using the words of us children from way back then) fat ones, and me, disgustingly skinny as hell. My weight was disturbing back then, up until grade 9 when I finally started hitting the hundreds. Elementary: 60 lbs. Grade 7: 75 lbs. Grade 8 and beginning of Grade 9: 90-95 lbs. That's awful. But there wasn't much I could do about it, I ate like a pig then, and I eat like one now. Heh, I remember being called anorexic or bulemic all the time, and it always made me feel bad, because I wasn't. Why am I talking about this? Just thinking about it I guess. Heh, I lost a few pounds, so I'm mad.

Need money. Must go to show on Friday. Or Kevin will eat me alive.
Saturday's going to kick some ass. I can't wait.

Off to go write a love song about Rich (Deville) now, because he told me to. Or maybe I'll write it about Rich Jones (AHAHA) and just tell the other Rich it's about him. No, too much work, I can't lie like that, it'll hurt not only his heart, but mine as well, and make Rich Jones pass out from fear or something. Hah, I amuse myself.

April 22, 2002
7:03 PM  ()

So, not too much going on. Didn't skip at all today, and won't be for the rest of the year, hopefully. Kyle and I went for a drive in the country, it was kinda nice. Listening to Led Zeppelin, smoking, and going real slow in order to piss off all the people in the cars behind us. You'd think they'd have heard of "passing", right? No. Ah, the love I have for the people in and around this town.

Note to Heather: You must call me, I have some news about Saturday.

I'm at Kyle's right now. He's listening to the radio... I listened to Radiohead last night, it cheered me up a whole lot, I felt a lot like myself again for a bit. It was cool. Things are weird lately, things are lonely.

April 20, 2002
12:59 PM  ()

EGOMANIAC.
- I'm about to head into Calgary with Heather and her parents, I don't think we're doing much there, but I'm getting out of the house, and I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself. Heather's coming here right now to drop off my bike and have a smoke with me, told her to just come through the front door.
- I have some things to sort out, but I'm ignoring all that right now, I like just... feeling good about myself right now. Haha, she's here. I'm off.

April 19, 2002
1:32 PM  ()

Ah, so I hit rock bottom today, now it's time to go up.

April 18, 2002
1:59 PM  ()

I'm effin' bored. I really shouldn't be doing this. Anyhow, I'm listening to the Dandy Warhols, "Horse Pills". I've never really listened to their other stuff before, and I'm not hating it. I like it, actually. Hah, excellent.
Stuff:

1. Chrissy leaves for Fairmont afterschool today, for a week, I hope she enjoys herself.
2. Emotions and brain are just not working right lately, not happy, not sad, thinking all the time but not about anything in particular. Having problems at school, stressing me out. I honestly wouldn't mind dropping out, getting a job, living on my own for a while, but that's not a good idea at all. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I must graduate. I will graduate. Why am I like this? Why am I not motivated anymore? This bothers me a lot, I have nothing. I don't know what I can do, I don't know what other options I have, or if there even are any. It makes me ill, I can't sleep that well anymore... yet again. Insomnia likes to kick in whenever she knows I'm having problems sorting things out. I can't believe how confused I am... I really don't like this. But then again, I don't really care. Maybe that's my problem right there. Ignorance.
3. I've had a nice break from the computer, what, three weeks? I think I want my computer to crash again, I enjoyed not being addicted to this thing. As a matter of fact, I don't even want to be on here right now, so I think I'm going to go watch a movie or something. This next week, apparently, is TURN OFF YOUR TV & COMPUTER week... will I? No. I spent three weeks away from my computer, and I don't watch much television anyways... and I can't give up my movies.
4. Boys suck. Heh. Actually, speaking of "boys", I got together with Jon for about half an hour the other day, that went well enough as it could have, I guess. Yeah, he's doing good, or at least seems to be. Looked rather normal... had some color, other than pale, out of it, and just noticably on something. I was happy for him. Good stuff.
5. Girls suck.
6. Calgarypunk Sucks.
7. Oh, and check out BLiND's new website... I didn't make it. I wish I did. Rock on for BLiND. That's hot.

April 17, 2002
11:28 PM  ()

My computer is up and running, this is beautiful.

April 16, 2002
9:27 PM  ()

Love Kyle.

1:39 PM  ()

So, as sad as I am, I'm sitting on some public computer during school hours. Isn't this special? I went into Calgary today with Steve, Amanda, and Heather. We did nothing. I haven't gone to school all day, so that probably isn't smart of me at all. Damn. My Dad leaves for the USA tomorrow, until Sunday. So I have to wake myself up every morning (my Mom has to take care of the store) for the next three days.
- Going out for coffee/somesortofbeverage with Jon tonight around 5, hopefully he doesn't back out on me. Should be cool to catch up and see how things are going with him. I'm curious, and of course, I care. Aw, isn't that sweet, Heather.
- So, I might not be doing BLiND's site now, I wanted to, but I guess they found someone else, or at least, I was told someone else really wanted to do it. Maybe I'll make a big fan site, and pretend to be cool. I need my computer back, I'm going insane.

Anyhow, I leave now.
Things are weird lately, emotions out of whack, things are just crazy. I'm trying to calm down, and skipping school isn't helping much.

April 12, 2002
6:08 PM  ()

i. am. going. insane. without. my computer. my god.

i'm apparently supposed to create a website for my friend's band "BLiND", how interesting is this? very. i will do it. but, yeah, bob's going to have to help me out with the content, i don't know what the fuck he wants on it.
- i'm at heather's. kyle says hi. he's sitting right here. kyle bogle, of course. knapp hates me, he's all off in olds. that hurts.

uh bye.

April 10, 2002
9:46 PM  ()

still computerless.
- nothing too interesting has been happening lately, other than my making a cool new friend. yeah man. haha. i like talking to him, i like the way he thinks, he's smart. and he makes me laugh. i usually like anyone who can make me laugh.
- geez, my computer's still not working, i'm on my friends computer (yet again) updating this. sigh.
i'm feeling a little bit weird at the moment, i'm not sure why. things are strange. i really need a job, i applied for one, i should give them a call. they just opened, they're collecting everything tomorrow and sorting through them. so, i guess i'll give them a call on monday or something. yay for gas stations.
- heh, i haven't talked to jon in forever. this is probably a good thing. as much as i care for him, he's not right in the head at this current time in his life. he's continuously fucking himself up with drugs and locked up emotions, i just can't bare to look at him anymore. it makes me sad, and no one likes being sad. i saw him on the weekend, he looked a bit better than usual, rather than all miserable and almost lifeless, he had some color to him. that was uplifting, but none of it is really my business. so i fucked off.
- knapp left lost cause. i guess it was for the better, of course it was, it usually is. good luck with your new band, kyle.
- i need something new to listen to, give me suggestions on the messageboard, anything.... anything!

i cut my hair. i hate it.
oh yes, and i met rob (oRb) on saturday. he's neat-o.
i'm leaving now because i feel mean.

April 02, 2002
12:31 PM  ()

NEWWWWWWWWWWS! uh, yeah, there won't be as many updates in the next few days. i'm on my friends computer right now, and my computers fucked right the hell up. i'm waiting for them to send me a damn recovery disc so i can delete everything i've installed or have on my computer and do it all over again! woo! fuck. bye.

April 01, 2002
3:47 AM  ()

Went to Calgary around 1:00, wandered around 17th Ave for a bit, almost fell asleep in one of the mall entrances, the entire downtown mall was closed, and we got in some how. I can't remember, oh yeah, some guy let us in that was waiting for someone. Security guard came around about half an hour later and kicked us out nicely, hah. Ah well, we had to get a move on anyhow.

Deville was awesome. Hah, except for the fact that they made (well, not Deville specifically, they couldn't do much about it) us wait outside in the cold for an hour before we could get in (guestlist business). We amused ourselves, in the damn cold. I couldn't believe the weather today, it was absolutely fucking gorgeous this morning, but then of course Easter has to hate us this year. Anyhow, we came in as End to an End had just began playing. Check these guys out, they're awesome. Right here. I enjoy them. Got myself an Echohouse tshirt that I probably won't effin' wear, but it can go in the drawer, I'll sleep in it or something. Hah, thanks guys. As long as it was free. Ryan just kind of handed it to me. I took off later on with Jen, and then again later with Heather. It was neat-o. Deville played a wicked set, Steve Jevne drove us home after that. We went to Tim Horton's quickly though to feed ourselves (Hah, thanks for the hot chocolate Steve) and found out crazy interesting funny things about Steve. Damn, he's awesome. My my, though, the roads were horrible on the way back. Apparently the roads have been closed North of Airdrie. It's 3:44 A.M. now so I'm not sure that's a big problem. It's damn weird outside anyhow, really windy. Talked with Jon from Calgary, only mentioning him because I want to put up his bands link. Caretakers Revenge, right here. I really need to change those link colors.

Uh, I'm extremely tired now.
I'm going to take advantage of this and sleep until forever in the morning. So, shut up.