May 29, 2002
3:50 PM  ()

deleted the last picture because people were being silly and making assumptions as to the LIE that you could see my "bush" or anything disgusting as such. it's just my underwear, and the light is darker in places which could probably lead the male to think otherwise. so here's a better one, and yes, it's only my underwear. *gasp* fuckas.

May 28, 2002
5:34 PM  ()

james rules.
someone got her tattoo today...

May 26, 2002
4:36 PM  ()

as the ruins fall.
alright, I really hope I get this job that I applied for. It seems as if I will. They apparently already all know who I am there, because of Eileah (Spelling?). So that's cool. "You'll probably be hearing from us really soon." Excellent. I like hearing that. But if they lied to me, I'm applying at Subway with Heather. They're desperate for workers, apparently. Anyway, on to other things. I wonder how Cliff's doing, I might just call him after I finish writing this.

- I'm so tired today. I woke up really early, but I'm in an extremely good mood. Jon leaves soon. Heh, but that's not why I'm in a good mood, actually that would be a factor of me being in a sad mood, but oh well. I'm happy right now. I don't know why. It's nice out, I guess. That can be my reason. I can't wait until the summer when I can wake up early and go outside just to smell the scent of the dew on the grass, etc. Such a great smell, my favorite, I'd have to say. And freshly cut grass. Good stuff.

Hyper much, Heather2?

May 25, 2002
12:10 PM  ()

i had a slumber party. well, not really.

This is Andrea. She's amazing. She's from Cockrun...(Cochrane) I drove to her house. And picked her up. And brought her back here. It was pretty cool, yo.


And this is Heather B this morning. She likes sleeping.

May 23, 2002
4:44 PM  ()

my fingers are cold.
- i'm sick of this weather. it's cold outside, it snowed yesterday, and it's fucking may 23rd. this isn't right.
- bad day today, although it was better than the other two. i was more content today than i have been the past two days. i guess because i know tomorrow's friday and my weekend's going to be at least enjoyable. i have nothing for me at school anymore other than my education. it's fucking sad, i sit in the library at lunch. actually, that's not that sad. but i feel so much more lonely than i actually am. i just miss the guy, i guess. i'm mighty pissed off at him though. so i don't want to be anywhere near any of them. overreaction? no. not at all.
- scott e-mailed me today. made me happy. *smile* i really wish i could see him this year, along with the rest of them. i miss him so much. kyle was like my second scott, no one could ever replace what scott and i have though, that's just too cool. but kyle was like.. a substitute. heh, but not really, it was different... but apparently that's all gone right now. i don't understand how a person can allow themselves to say all these things to me and trust me as much as they did and then just throw it away, seriously throw it away. just put me on hold or something? no no. that doesn't happen here in heatherworld. you either stick with me or you (or i) tell me (or you) to fuck off. that's it. that's how it works here. i'm in love with honesty, and then when a person can't be honest with me, i tend to not want to look at them anymore. it makes me sick to my stomach, especially when i've already been hurt by it. fucking people, i say. well, i hope him and i can work things out. he was an awesome friend. and i miss him. but i can't have that there. heh, no one knows what i'm talking about.
- i hugged my wall today. well, attempted. heh, i love my house afterschool. no one's home. even if there is. i love it. it's home for chrissake. away from that awful awful place. awful.

I want the world to shut up.
Just for one day.
I need a cigarette, so I can light it up when it's hard for you to breathe.

May 22, 2002
10:12 PM  ()

i have a best friend. and this pleases me. heather, thank you. so much.

9:57 PM  ()

and how do they know what's good for you?
will you wake up, wake up. a shot to the head. they're better off dead.

9:28 AM  ()

so. angry. right now.

edited: 12:20 P.M.
- yeah, not a very happy girl right now. my mom offered the day off school next tuesday, i get my tattoo that day anyway, so i planned on not going at all. apparently that's supposed to make me feel all better... sure, it's nice, but my mood is so low right now i can't bring myself to just lift it up right now. i'm not that weak, so i don't know why i just don't do anything about it. probably because i'm a big idiot. heh.
- started reading 'FRIED GREEN TOMATOES at the whistle stop cafe' today in English. this book seems as though it's going to disappoint me. of course it will, i have to read it for school, any book i have to read for school disappoints me. except for the chrysalids. that was an awesome book.
- i need out of high school now. right now. and i want these next two periods to fly by so fast that i won't know what hit me. of course not that i've said that, they're going to go slow as hell. that's the way it usually works, am i right? jinxing myself. how much good does that do me? none. so, i should stop.

deal.

May 21, 2002
9:36 PM  ()

dude.
this is the sweetest site link picture ever. (find it on smileyrecords.com, yo.) It's MINE! ehe.

May 20, 2002
10:26 PM  ()

heather bedard is hotter than me.
- hehe, these pictures are fun. i must say, bedard, you're lookin' pretty hot. paha! winnah.
- update: links section. smiley records. that's right. check it out. for alex.

2:17 AM  ()

look, a non-artsy clifford!
- i've never not seen a picture
of him without him looking artsy...
this is him at some show with his band
(the stares)
- it's stolen from their site. yo. sorry, i guess. haha, no i'm not.

May 19, 2002
2:56 PM  ()

the most amusement i've had all day so far...
heh, not something to be proud of, but i tried to hold it there for as long as i could without actually gripping it. i lost.
- oh yeah, and my webcam's working again.

1:14 AM  ()

waking life.
so, i haven't finished watching the movie quite yet, i'm thinking too much to the point that it's hurting my stomach as well as my brain. i'll watch the rest tomorrow. i reccommend it, i feel as though it's a very inspiring video, or so far at least. very cool, especially the way it is presented. groovy.

heh, i am now in such a weird state of mind, i want to tell those that i love to extreme amounts the truth about that, and i want to just lay in the middle of the floor and stare at the ceiling whilst talking to someone beside me in the dark... that would be very cool right now.

May 16, 2002
7:14 PM  ()

heh. yeah.
i want to kill my drama teacher, well, not kill, but you know what i mean. so very angry. i'm at heather's house, again, still grounded from the computer until tomorrow. heh, i love being under the control of my parents, so many 'privaleges' can be taken away, it's beautiful.

i feel alone at school again, but i'm starting to not care at this point. there's only.. less than a month left! heh. wow. anyhow, tomorrow's friday, and everyone should go to the core-upt show (those of you in the calgary area) at the multi... i'll give you a big hug. that's my bribary for the evening. if that was even a god damn word, doesn't look like one. oh well.

i'm so tired.

May 14, 2002
8:37 PM  ()

listenin' to: the television, i believe bedard's watching rap on muchmusic.

1. so, i've been randomly selected to write some english test for evaluation of how the school is doing with their teaching. or something. SAIP? i have no idea. anyway, i get to miss class, that's all that matters. be proud, i haven't actually skipped in a while, except for friday, but that doesn't count. i don't have to study and all i have to do is write, so it's all good. i like writing. everyone knows that.

2. just sitting at heather's house. sippin' on a beer, listening to her parents and aunt chuckle about the corny men bashing jokes they're coming up with, i'm sure barney doesn't appreciate that too much.

3. bogle's getting an ass kicking.

4. watching filth and the fury in a minute, so far it's interesting. i like rain. it's raining. but it's cold. so i'm only able to enjoy it from the inside. core-upt mike and i are going to kick each others asses at soccer and basketball, or at least that's the plan. and i'm apparently joining their street hockey team, something i haven't played since i was 7 or 8 years old. this shall be interesting. as long as he's up for the ride to come get me. hah! oh, airdrie, how i hate thee.

5. nothing interesting is happening, but i'm doing okay. a friend of mine is moving away pretty soon, i'm going to miss him, i hope to see him before he leaves though, but chances are we may not... but maybe we will if he makes the effort as well.

May 10, 2002
11:37 AM  ()

listenin' to: a bunch of teenagers typing on library computers.

1. had an interesting dicussion in social class today, wouldn't know about what happened in drama. didn't go. damnit. i'm mad at myself though. i hadn't skipped at all for three weeks straight, and i went and skipped one class today just because i wasn't ready to do my monologue, oh and because he was giving me shit for no reason the other day, told me i was a failure and what not. i kind of hate him right now. but that was no reason to go and fuck up my three weeks of not skipping. seeing as it's friday, and it's a short day, maybe it can "not count" or something. oh, but it does. damn. oh well. hah, this isn't that big of a deal. but i'll lose the car and the computer for a week, which doesn't really matter to me, but i'll say my 'see ya later' in this entry.

2. talkin' to mike, core-upt. such a calpunk addict, both of us. all of us. it's sickening how addicting this pathetic site is. i don't like what byron's done to the message board though, it's retarded. looks bad. "level 1 clearance?" shaddap.

3. avoiding. mr. negrey. eep.

4. i hate this library. bye.

May 09, 2002
11:07 PM  ()

listenin' to: Imperial Teen, "Yoo-hoo"

1. nothing interesting is happening at all, although i am worried about a friend. she's special to moi, so i care about how she's feelin'.

2. today, earlier, in the library at school, i was sitting there... one group of friends sat down and started talking to one another, i just sort of sat there and listened, watched. you know, didn't say much at all. didn't feel like it. then they got up and left, then a completely different group of friends did the same thing with me at the table, this kept happening off and on throughout the entire class. not like they weren't talking to me, i just didn't really reply or give them a chance to ask me anything. i was very ... quiet, today. until i got home. heh, i'm such a wuss, my mommy made it all better. she always cheers me up. we fought earlier in the morning, and it sucked, really got me down. i kind of need her support once i get home, knowing she's always there to make me laugh or smile, i guess i really count on her to help me out with that after i get home from school. i fucking hate school.

3. cliff's getting famous. give 'em a hand. the stares!

May 06, 2002
1:00 PM  ()

billy hopeless, i love you. hah, he called to sing me happy birthday. that was the nicest thing ever. wow, thanks billy. :)

8:16 AM  ()

snow day. snow day. snowday. snwdaay. this is excellent.
last night: deville was awesome. i hope they have fun on their tour and get to check out california as much as they can.

May 05, 2002
12:59 PM  ()

happy birthday to me.
heh. thank you to jenna for the message on my msgboard. anyway, i'm at b's house, we're cleaning up and getting her ready for the show we're going to at 2:00. my parents just took us out for breakfast at dt's. why is it snowing on my birthday? it always used to be sunny and nice outside, especially when i was younger, had the pool out and everything. i guess i'm not that bright sunshine child i was anymore. sigh. and seeing as yesterday i said i didn't want it to be my birthday because i feel like i'm going on thirty, i almost died last night. i'm an amazing driver though, so, it was all good. didn't panic, i was just totally weirded out when i got out of the car. going to kill knapp. i don't think my brother's remembered my birthday, well i'm sure joey did, because he works with my parents, but the other two always forget. not a big deal, but it's just kind of funny. i didn't talk about my birthday much this year. i'll probably actually feel some excitement come this time next year, when i'm eighteen.

anyone i know that lives in calgary should go to the deville show this afternoon. that. is. all.
see ya later, girls.

May 04, 2002
12:57 AM  ()

court was lame.
made an appointment for my tattoo, i could get it done this weekend, but no, i'm not waiting outside of there at 9:00 in the morning until 12:00 pm. may 28th. tuesday. 1:00. excellent.
- met someone cool.
ditchin' now. i have nothing cool to say right now. cars are amusing.

May 01, 2002
11:35 PM  ()

so, here's some fucked up'ed-ness for you. goin' to court tommorrow. for those of you who know about last year, that's why. for those of you who don't know: i didn't do anything, it was something that happened to me. and i don't even understand why i have to go, it's about something else that happened to the principal. i guess they just need more people to testify against the kid in order to get him help. i don't want to go. it's going to remind me of too much. around this time of year was when roger killed himself, and all this happened. it was one fucked up point in my life, and one scary part too. i have to go though, or they'll arrest me or something. fuckers.

ah well, i'm getting my tattoo soon, that'll make me happy. i need fucking cigarettes. i'm going insane here.